Core Principle II – Belonging and Loyalty

Nothing is ever lost; everything is preserved, including secrets that were repressed or seemingly forgotten. These excluded members and hidden events continue to exist in the collective unconscious of the family system until one of the descendants unconsciously adopts a role connected to restoring balance.

Unconscious roles of this kind, referred to as “entanglements,” cause a descendant to take upon themselves the fate of an earlier family member and to merge it with their own life. Whatever or whoever was excluded will continue to seek recognition, and this lack of belonging will be transmitted from generation to generation, compelling descendants to find a home for these memories. Adopted children or siblings who were separated may unconsciously search for their roots of belonging. Sometimes, even someone outside the biological family—such as a Righteous Among the Nations who saved Jews during the Holocaust—may become entangled in the family’s fate.

In every human relationship there is an instinctive awareness of what must be done, and what must be allowed, in order to preserve the right of belonging. This can be described as “hidden loyalty.” As long as disorder or exclusion has occurred in the past, its effects will manifest in the present, often in the form of recurring difficulties or unresolved problems.